MEN-O-PAUSE

Finding the perfect mate is like finding the perfect outfit for a soiree – It takes dedication, lots of effort, friends to help you and in most cases it’s hidden in a fabulous vintage store in a unique ‘district’. Finding the perfect mate is also like looking for a car – you have to search through the thousands of ‘’classified’’, have good friends to help you look, you need to test drive it one or two times and see exactly how it operates on the ‘road’. Finding a perfect mate is also like finding the perfect winter sweater to pair with your pant – you have to feel snuggled and warm in it, it should be fitted enough, but not too suffocating, and it has to allow you to show your sense of style of individuality while debuting how fabulous you look together. Well, sometimes finding the perfect mate can be so exhausting. All these ‘’samplings’’, ‘’trials’’, ‘’test-drives’’, ‘’out-fit try-ons’’ and ‘’sweater-runs’’ can be taxing on one’s body and you just need to go through ‘’MEN-O-PAUSE’’.

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According to the Homo-Dick-tionary of Imported Words, ‘’MEN-O-PAUSE is a state of single-ness where one takes a break from the ‘’scene’’, steps back from the mayhem of dating life and do an introspection to see what exactly one wants and the best way to get it.’’ Oh, and by the way, in a revised version of that term, it stated that this also includes no hook-ups, no blow-jobs, no having ‘drinks’ with an ex-bf, no internet dating, no kissing, but internet pornography is fully acceptable for its ‘medicinal’  purposes. However, according to the Lesbo-Vagi-nary of Imported Words, ‘’(wo)MEN-O-PAUSE is a state where a femme (or stud, in rare cases) takes a break from her girl-hunting days.’’ No slumber parties allowed.

 

The concept of the ‘’perfect mate’’ in itself is the stressor (wait, ‘stressor’… I am watching too much Criminal Minds… that sexy Shamar Moore have me so weak!). ‘Perfect’ denotes no flaw, no adjustment needed, ideal for ONLY me, my friends will adore him, my family will worship him, he won’t leave me never, we’ll last forever and he’ll rescue me from single-ness. But is there such a thing as a ‘perfect’ mate? Are we fooling ourselves or are we just misinformed about this new species of men? In search of love, are we asking for too much and being unreasonable or is it a reasonable request? The fact that so many of us have slapped on the F.B.I badge in search of the ‘perfect mate’ makes me wonder if we really know what we want. Do we need to just shut the hell up, leave the dating scene and allow MEN-O-PAUSE to reset our search engine? In life and love, why do we believe that everything has to be perfect? Perfect is boring [Daney-ann Thomas, 2011].

 

The notion of the ‘perfect mate’ mirrors that of Santa Claus – good for kids, stories books, novels, movies and the economy, but definitely bad for reality, adults and our hearts. And so, like kids and Santa, Christmas morning comes and gifts are being opened. Some kids are happy with what they received and some are not. The kids who aren’t happy are those who claim to have not gotten exactly what they have hoped/prayed/wished-upon-a-star for. But, is it that what they actually received are bad gifts? Is it that the gift are such a misfit that you need to return them to the store? Or, is it that you are so eager to try-out the gift, test what it can do, and continue to compare it to what others have received. Step back and have a scenic view of everything!

 

The long and short of it all is that whether you are in a committed relationship or dating, there comes a time when you need through ‘’MEN-O-PAUSE’’.  Sometimes, the best view one can get is from a far off. Being up close, you are often blinded by your blurry fixation; or just so dependent that even if the truth is staring you in the face, you fail to believe it.

 

 

 

 

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What if…

‘’I can’t control my destiny, I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be. There’s only now, there’s only here. Give in to love or live in fear. No other path, no other way. No day but today.” [Rent]

 

You wake up one morning and find yourself beside your partner; in the midst of your life as you know it and you wonder to yourself, ‘’Was this all destined to happen like this?’’ Were you destined to marry your high school sweetheart? Were you destined to stay in an unhappy relationship? Were you destined to fall in love from a blind date that your friends set up? Were you destined to wake up beside the one person you love so much and want to share every moment, dreams, aspirations and the future with? Who knows? –Destiny?

The partner that you have is the partner that you were meant to have. That’s what people tell you. Anyway, I would like to believe it. Everything else in the world seems so completely random. What if one little thing you say or do could make it all fall apart? What if you had chosen another life for yourself or another person? You might have never found each other. What if you had been raised differently? What if your mother was never sick? What if you actually had a good father? What if you had chosen to live in a different country? What if? What if?

 

The only constants in life are the variables! Variables are the many ‘’thank God that happened’’S in your life, that have contributed to your relationship.

These are the little things that happen that at that moment seem so unfair and in many cases disappointing, but at the end of the day it feels like an angel did something just for you. Picture this, August 3, 2011 [Sophia Petrillo’s voice – Golden Girls]: in Egypt and trying to navigate through the gay underground world. On my way to meet a friend but it turned out that I mixed up two numbers. Needless to say, when I arrived, I was in for a big surprise… I was meeting the ‘wrong’ person (at the time I thought). Throughout the evening, I tried to ‘’escape’’ ( I am glad I didn’t); but couldn’t. We ended up at dinner where he invited another friend to join us. Little did I know that that friend would turn out to be someone special in my life. What if I had met the ‘right’ person? What if I wasn’t brave enough to dig my way into the Egypt’s underground gay world? What if I hadn’t made a mistake with the telephone numbers and actually met the person I intended to meet, would my summer vacation have ended differently? What if? –Destiny?

 

At some point in your existence you start to wonder about all the elements of your life and how the many variables have played their parts so that you can end up happy. On some level, our parents/socialization/how we were raised have impacted our lives and by extension the quality of our relationships.

Do you believe you have control over your life and the events that happen in it, or are you just mere puppets hanging by strings of fate and so often are played on this stage of life? There are those people who like the idea of control (and I am not talking the S&M kind; well, not today…) and therefore embrace the fact that we have ‘’control’’ over what we do and what happens to us in a relationship. At least, we can blame ourselves when we mess up (as we often do) and unlike shopping online, we can look someone in the eyes and give them a piece of our minds when we are not pleased with our situations. But then, who likes to point fingers at themselves? Not me! Oh no, as human beings we love to dish the blame on someone else and who better to blame than, fate/destiny/life?

As we move through life, the force of fate creates events that we only appreciate when we reflect on our existence. [ Ronald Harmon ]

 

dress rehearsals….

 

OK! Hands down, Grey’s Anatomy rocks! I have never missed an episode and have no intention of doing so! In a recent episode, the doctors were separating a siamese twin and had to rehearse the surgery numerous times until they were satisfied that they were perfect. After watching this and bawling my eyes out (because Teddy’s husband died while Christina was operating on him), I went straight to my ‘zone’ and for my cocktail of choice [cosmo’] and I started to think of my past relationships and how wonderful it would have been if we had had the chance to rehearse.

 

With a sip of my cosmo’, it became apparent to me that the dead and the unborn have it easy! Life is hard: the daily uncertainties, the failures, the promises, the missed opportunities, the awkward encounters, the misunderstandings, the spills on your favorite sweater, a rip in your ‘date’ pants and a run in your stockings. How does one survive after each day?

 

We go to bed every night wishing that tomorrow will be better than today; then we wake up each morning, roll out of bed, put our faces on, and tighten our pony-tails in preparation for the world: a world where we only get to do it once. There are no dress rehearsals, no chance to make a mistake, no time to practice, practice and practice until you are perfect. So it’s either swim or sink!

 

In the performing arts, the actors and directors spend time going over the scenes. Every line must be remembered, every step must be practiced, every cue must be followed, everything must be perfect, or else! Rehearsals are integral to the performance. However, in life we are not so lucky to have a dress rehearsal and we only get one chance to do it and do it right, or else the consequences can be calamitous.

 

In a relationship, there are no scripts, no props, no setting, no directors telling you where to stand and what to say, no make-up artist painting your face the way how it ought to be, no technical support helping you to find your ‘’light’’ and good side and definitely, no rehearsals: just you and your partner standing in the midst of a pool of uncertainty, which is your relationship, trying to survive another scene hoping that your performance got a standing ovation as the curtains close!

 

No one tells us what to say, how to act, where to stand, what to do, when to take a break, when to start over and there are absolutely no edits. One has to make his/her own scripts and scenes. And in doing so, we are prone to getting the lines twisted, ill-fitted costumes, dreadful make-up, bad lighting and in many cases the wrong actors to play the right parts. With such a setting, it is impossible to have the perfect symphony. We don’t know when to ‘end-scene’; there is no chance of changing the script once it has been spoken; no way of shifting to a different scene and come back to this scene later; and you run the risk of messing up the entire ‘production’ [relationship].

 

Imagine for a moment, two persons thrown on the stage life with no help, no support, no guidance, no direction and are given one chance to create a masterpiece; how realistic is that? I am sure that many of us can attest to the fact that, in our former relationships, if we had the chance to do it over and over [and no, NOT THAT], we would have definitely gotten it right. If you knew that he would have caught you when you cheated, you wouldn’t have done it; if you knew that the argument would have led to an even bigger one and then she walked out, you would have never started it; if you knew that by searching his phone and finding that text message would have caused your heart break, you wouldn’t have; if you knew that running in your ex at the corner store would have caused you to question your love for your partner, you wouldn’t have gone to the store; if, if, if….

 

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love. (Diego Marchi) Wouldn’t it be splendid if we had the opportunity to re-do our days; got a chance to see which bitch will try to mess with you, before hand; somehow to get a glimpse of your failed relationships, before they fail and fight to keep you and your partner together; a way to peek in the immediate future to avoid all the dramas that you would have undergone, if you had known? Wouldn’t all that be fabulous? Well, no such luck!

 

 

 

THOUGHT (1): Hopeful

Battered, bruised, saddened and apprehensive are just some of the feelings one has after being a victim of numerous failed relationships. Each time your heart gets broken, you would swear that you will never go through this again and a few months down the road you find yourself in the mirror putting on your ‘’face’’ and picking an outfit to go on another date. And the cycle continues. But I wonder, is dating a natural part of life (like wisdom teeth), or are we dating, optimistically, in hope that someday our ‘’other half’’ will show up and when he/she does, we will be rescued from the paws of dating but to the ‘’hell’’ of happily-ever-after?

 

Belief! Maybe it’s not even advisable to be an optimist after a certain age. Maybe pessimism is something we need to start applying on our skins every day, like moisturizer. Otherwise, how do you bounce back after reality batters yours belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all? Is hope the drug we need to off of, or is it keeping us alive? What’s the arm in believing?

‘’Believing’’ reminds me of child-hood disappointments when you are anticipating a fabulous gift for Christmas (say, a doll house) and your parents bought you books (LOLOL). Was it wrong to belief that you would get what you actually wanted? Or, was it wrong to just believe? Why not just approach life with no expectations and no beliefs and accept whatever comes your way, good or bad. But then, in not believing wouldn’t life is less fun.

 

Some people are afraid to believe. Is it that they are afraid that they might actually surprise themselves and get what they wished for? No! I doubt it. I think the real fear is that of not getting what you spend your life hoping for. But how many bad dates and failed relationship can one person go through all in the name of the Church of Optimism and Hope? Is it that these failed relationships and bad dates are the tests of your religion and should somehow ‘strengthen’ your belief system? Well, if that’s the case some Church members might just grow weary and fade away at the high-ways and by-ways. Who then shall be ‘saved’? Is it that if you don’t believe, you are punished by not getting your Prince Charming?

 

 

Lonely planet…

Dating is an experience like none other. Everyone likes how they feel whenever they are dating. The anticipation, the first kiss, shopping for the perfect outfit, the restaurant choice, the first ‘’first’’, talking about the dates with your friends, evaluating your date with your friends and weeks of butter-flies that fill your stomach every time you receive an email/text/SMS from him/her. Who wouldn’t?

 

With this in mind, recently I have been bombarded with quite a few friends who have not been in the dating game for some time, but however have been forced to take cover on the ‘’reserve’’ bench waiting for the coach (cupid) to call their names to run into ‘’play’’.  And what made me put my strawberry milk shake down, folded my arms and really think about this was the fact that these friends are attractive, educated, have some sort of Japanese ability, both straight and gay, and foreigners. After taking a good gulp of strawberry shake, many questions started to strut through my mind and some of which I have no answers for. Is it that it’s impossible for foreigners to date in Japan? Is it that Japanese are afraid to date foreigners? Are foreigners afraid to date each other? Why is it that it’s easier for a straight foreign guy as to land a date than girls? Why are so many foreigners (who have gone through the stress of learning the language) still left date-less and distressed after being in Japan for so long? Why are Japanese men so afraid to approach a girl and ask her out? Why is it that when a girl asks out a Japanese guy he says he is ‘busy’?

With half cup of strawberry milkshake left, I was determined to get answers, so I went to the source: my gaikoko-jin friends indeed. After several interviews, testimonials and semi-counseling sessions [and now I need to talk to Dr. Phil and Oprah], it was clear that there is an EPIDEMIC: Distressed foreigners at the end of their ropes.

My fabulous gaikoko-jin girls complained that even after studying Japanese and being able to speak it, it is very difficult for them to land a guy. At first, they assumed that the Japanese guys were afraid to speak to them because they (the Japanese men) do not speak English, but then they soon realized that that wasn’t the issue. While reassuring my friends that they are fabulous and attractive and they shouldn’t feel bad, they expressed to me that back in their home-countries they are not accustomed to approaching guys (as guys back-home would be chasing after them), but since coming to Japan and realizing that men here do not approach women, they (the girls) have decided to be the ‘’approach-er’’ and see if that would yield them a good ‘catch’. Well, needless to say the ‘fish basket’ is still empty and no one has bitten the bait yet. As attractive, educated, international girls as these are, it lead me to wonder, what are Japanese guys looking for?  Then it dawned on me (still drinking my milkshake), maybe they are just not into foreign girls and would rather date their own-kind: and that’s perfectly ok! So, I suggested to my friends that they should seek refuge in the land of the ‘’gaikoko-jin’’ boys. This was where another shocker hit me. According to my very reliable friends, my own observations and Facebook (and you know that Facebook never lies), the foreign men are not so keen on dating other foreign girls, but have opted to date Japanese girls. To my friends, this is like a slap in the face, a grenade in your pocket and vomit in your lunch box. But it’s all good: it’s a level playing ground and all is fair in love and war. With not much milkshake left, I decided to add some vodka (to settle my nerves) and make it into a cocktail, just to deal with all this information. Well, you heard here first: Foreign guys are into Japanese girls, big time! But do you blame them? (YES!) – Who wouldn’t like a girl who laughs at everything you say, wears Mickey-mouse hair bows, sports fake eye-lashes and never leaves home without tights? So, after taking all that in my pipe and smoking, I am left speechless. Cupid has flown the coup and left our dear foreign girls to ‘die’.

 

So, after realizing that the milkshake won’t cut it and I would need a stronger drink to deal with the ‘’interviews’’, I switched over to vodka based cocktails and then called up the boys (gay) to hear their side of the story. Well, the guys are not in as bad a position as the girls (well, depends on how you look at it), but still not in the best position. It would seem to me that the active gays (tops) are the ones who are having an easier time on the lonely planet, than the passive gays (bottoms): And this just opened up a whole new can of worms (see my next article for that). But even though these guys don’t speak Japanese and are getting some sort of ‘’action’’ it still lacks the ‘’za-za-zu’’ of typical dating. In that, the Japanese guys (gay) are not willing to date the foreign guys, but however will part-take in one-night stands in the blink of an eye. While this might be fantastic and oh so fabulous for some of the guys for some time, most of the guys are still looking for that special ‘one’; the one who they want to build a lasting relationship with and share special moments. While the lonely planet might be lit on a Saturday night and even a few bright stars might fall, the remainder of the week serves a cold, lonely plate of bitterness as the guys (foreign) tries to contact the Japanese guys for a cup of coffee, a bowl of ramen, a cone of ice-cream or just merely socializing. Just another failed attempt at dating on this oh-so lonely planet.

 

As I leave my apartment to go to the supermarket to fetch a fresh bottle of vodka (I ran out….), I ponder, are we as foreigners missing something? Is there a pamphlet/manual we failed to get at immigration? What else can we do? I, for one, have taken a personal resolution and have made peace with cupid/karma/destiny and have decided NOT TO DATE IN JAPAN. Their loss! I am fabulous!

 

 

We are single | that’s all…

All the single ladies, put your cocktails down and listen…

Recently, in addition to being bombarded by Japanese Jehovah’s witnesses, huge insects, emails from www.viagra.com, an enormous tax bill, and lots of hot sexy Middle Eastern guys. I have been also swamped by co-workers and associates politely informing me of their recent nuptials and their change of addresses from Unhappy Avenue to Blissful Ever-After Boulevard. So, here I am having lunch with my little rug rats and a male teacher was so anxious to tell me that he got married in July (2011) and he is NOW happy (I guess now he gets regular blow jobs without paying…LOLOL). Being me, I gave him the English Teacher fake smile (God bless him). Apparently that wasn’t enough, he proceeded to educate me on the recent developments in his life — he lost 4 kg, start eating vegetables, eats fish every day, stopped smoking, and is now happier than before – since he tied the chain around his neck, I meant knot. He went on to encourage me, a single 28 years old, to find a girlfriend [I almost choked on my sautéed  pork and pumpkin rice (Jamaican food)] as soon as possible [because time is running out and I have to cash in on this happiness before the Government starts taxing it] because he wants me to be happy. Again, I smiled, nodded and whispered a prayer for him. Poor guy… So OLD, so naive.

Well, silly me I thought that was it. Couple days later, my school had a festival and I graced it with my presence (of course, I did…). There I was in the midst of Nihon-jin (Japanese) and like clock-work; the details of my personal life were the arguments of discussion. In this case, I was being counseled by a local police officer who noted that I have been living in Japan for three (3) years [Then I thought, this guy must be immigration, how does he know that?] and I am SINGLE and 28. Yes, the emphasis was on my MARITAL STATUS and AGE. He pointed out that he is 29 years old, and though not married [and I have one guess why not… hmmm mmm], he is currently dating a beautiful girl [at that point, I had to bite my lips]. The police officer went on to encourage me to ‘’FIGHT’’ [ A statement frequently used in Japan which means to persevere] and FIND A GIRLFRIEND soon, so that I can get married and……wait for it… be HAPPY. Well, I thought that encouraging talk was a part of his community outreach program towards me, orrrrrrr a ply to keep me as a taxpayer in Japan. Whichever case, though I enjoyed his company [he was cute], he is preaching to the wrong audience.

As I sat in the schools pavilion and waved to my little rug rats and their parents (who looked like strangers between themselves), I wondered, it is just me or people really think that single people are depressed and unhappy? Or, is it another random Japanese thing that I have not figured out yet: like why they drink so much green tea when they know it cause erectile dysfunction; why straight guys wear make-up: why the girls wear shoes two sizes too big; why my teachers stay at work until 10 p.m.; why the hot springs are filled with old geezers; why do most of the candies/treats are made of rice; and why the cost of rice is so expensive even though everybody is a rice farmer? Hmmm mmm. As I sit here and sip this killer cocktail, I wonder, are relationships in Japan like driver’s licenses? – You really want one by you 18, but then when you get it, you just have it in your purse and never think about it again? And do people really think that married people are happy and single people are not?

My three years in Japan coupled (pun intended) with my anthropological instinct [me being nosy], have led me to observe married couples. One should not judge a Hermes sweater on a manikin, a Kenneth Cole loafer via the internet, neither a book by its cover, but why would a happily married man be found at work at 10 p.m. and on weekend; would rather have dinner and drinks with his friends than to go home to his wife; would be seen ‘playing’ with their phones while having dinner with their spouses? You be the judge!

The notion that married couples are happier than singles seem to be the driving force behind the Japanese girls making it their point of duty to land themselves a ‘catch’ before they ‘expire’. And it would seem that they are not too particular what the ‘catch’ is – dead, alive, gay, straight, loser, tall, short—just a ‘catch’.  This was reinforced while I was out and about and I was ‘’approached’’ by two girls who were out ‘’hunting’’. OMG! OK! So, if you know me, by international convention, I am the gayest thing around: HANDS DOWN! As I stood there and was being interviewed by these two girls (obviously one was helping the other to land the ‘catch’ of the day), I was just amazed how clueless these girls were, or maybe just didn’t care, because the mission is ‘NOT TO BE SINGLE’. Again, I will whisper a prayer for them. Poor souls!

Coming from a Jamaican culture, it’s shocking to see the pressure/emphasis being placed on tying the knock as soon as possible and how the Japanese society views single people as charity chases needed to be helped and encouraged to ‘’FIGHT’’ for their ‘HAPPY’. In Jamaica, one isn’t pressured to get married or viewed as unhappy if you are single. On the contrary, married men seek out single girls to find some ‘happy’, but I digress. I am from a culture that values individualism and other successes over marriage. As a Jamaican, a co-worker or a parent would encourage you to pursue advance degrees, purchase a house, purchase a nice car, travel, find yourself and then get married. Sorry, but the Vera Wang dress has to wait a little longer to be worn.

Being single is precious! Our single years are when we find ourselves, figure out what we really want, test the ‘waters’, know what personalities are compatible with us and just build on ourself, independently. These years shouldn’t be viewed as sad and depressing; but should be happy, interesting, eye-opening and adventurous; because once they are gone, they are indeed gone. One should embrace these years and cherish them and whenever marriage walks up to your door, you should be able to say good bye to ‘single’ with a smile on your face and memories in your heart.

This one goes out to all the single persons out there who are enjoying their single lives and are not concerned about societal expectations and norms, but endeavor to live their lives to the fullest, single first, then knotted later.

Karma…

Karma! Is she always a bitch? One would think that karma is always luring in the shadows just waiting for you to make a mistake or do something ‘’bad’’; and when you have done it, karma waits for the most ‘’appropriate’’ time to ‘get you back’ for what you did days/weeks/months/years ago. But is it that karma is always ‘’getting’’ us or does she do good deeds, too? While I always ascribe thoughts about karma to the Fortune Cookie School of Psychology, I often wondered, does a string of bad dates, bad relationships, bad friendships, bad sex, bad guys really equal one good one? And will treating someone badly in one relationship ensure that you will be treated badly in the next relationship? Does everything that goes around really come back around? And if so, will it come to bite you in the ass? — Is there such a thing as relationship karma?

Our Indian friends believe that karma is the concept of “action” or “deed”, understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect. According to the Hindu scholars, Karma is not punishment or retribution but simply an extended expression or consequence of natural acts. So, Karma means “deed” or “act” and more broadly names the universal principle of cause and effect [there goes my luck…LOL], action and reaction, that governs all life. The effects experienced are also able to be mitigated by actions [I wonder what could these ‘’actions’’ be….hmmmm mmm] and are not necessarily fated. That is to say, a particular action now [cheating on your boyfriend] is not binding to some particular, pre-determined future experience [being cheated on my your man] or reaction [he leaves you for someone else]; it is not a simple, one-to-one correspondence of reward or punishment. Karma is not fate, for humans act with free will creating their own destiny. According to the Vedas, if one sows goodness, one will reap goodness; if one sows evil, one will reap evil. Karma is the totality of our actions and their associated reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determines our future. The conquest of karma lies in intelligent action and dispassionate response.

 

So, with all this mobo-jumbo floating around in my head, I start to think of allllllllllllllllllll {it’s not that many…} my past relationships and how Karma has impacted them. Now, thanks to the Hindus I am getting some well sought after answers. Damn!

Then, it is safe to assume that all the ass-holes I have dated and they have treated me badly, that was ALL my fault. Wasn’t it? Well, according to the Hindu guys, they were. If relationship Karma does exist, it would mean all my past failed relationships were in fact caused by some evil deed that I have done before and now Miss Karma is coming back to bite me at the most inappropriate time. So, the saying that Karma is such a bitch is so right!! And the Hindus have the ghoul to say that Karma is not punishment but a consequence of our natural acts. What could I have done to have made these guys treated me so badly? What could I have done to have been cheated on with my close friend? What could I have done to have been disrespected? Well, it must be something awful like wore white after Labor Day; autumn colors in spring; wore a two seasons old loafer to a party or had a cocktail before twelve noon. I just don’t get it!

But I think the Hindus realized that something was wrong with this theory, because they claim that Karma is not fated and one can do ‘’things’’ to mitigate the ‘’consequences’’ of Karma. I sit here and I wonder, what are they ‘’things’’ I needed to have done to mitigate the tons of times Karma took a big bite out of my ass? Should I have been more ‘’understanding’’? Should I have laid down even flatter while I allow him to walk all over me [in cheap shoes]? Or, maybe when he told me he was married and he introduced me as his ‘’English Teacher’’ I should have said, ‘’No, you are a liar. Speak the truth. We are fucking!’’ Who knows what I should have done. But, now I know that I need to be one step ahead of Miss Karma. She bites too hard!

So, if Miss Karma ‘’punishes’ us for our bad deed, does it also ‘’rewards’’ us for our good deed? If that were the case, why are we constantly looking for a good partner when we have been faithful, honest and true to the relationship, but in return got nothing worthy of? The Vedas (a body of text originated in India) promised us that if we sow good seeds, we will reap good seeds. Well, I don’t know about you, but I have been sowing some good seeds, yet getting nothing but evil in return. Is Miss Karma in a comma? Well, if so, it’s best for her to wake the hell up before someone comes looking for her!!

Am I the only one who is pissed at Karma? Or, are you afraid to get angry with her because she might just send some ‘’Ju-ju’’ your way? Well, I am a bad ass bitch and I am not afraid [ I feel secure knowing that my Mom is constantly praying for me…lol]. I need to look Karma in the eyes and ask her:-

  •   ‘’Where the hell were you when I was being faithful, loving, honest and supportive and his ass was making a fool of himself and then Karma so had it that after I left him, he could find another innocent victim to torment? Shouldn’t he have ended up with some toad that doesn’t turn into a Prince, but instead turn into a bitchier dragon?’’

  •   ‘’What happens to the countless number of people who believed in Karma for your good ‘work’ and wished that you could operate speedily, effectively and without prejudice, but instead realized that you are afraid of some people and only choose to be a bitch when it’s convenient to you?’’

  •   ‘’Where do you turn when you need to reconcile your punishment/reward balances in order to predict your future?’’

Karma! That lady [don’t ask me why, but I think she is a lesbian] who thinks she knows what she is doing and keeps on cutting the wrong people all the slacks, but finds time to work me over, EVERYTIME! For the Armani Exchange sweater you were wearing when you caught him cheating…. $150. For the Kenneth Cole loafer… $300. For the dinner you prepared… $90. For the look on his face because you know that Karma might just be nice to you and will get him, price-less! For everything else, there is your crazy mother waiting on the porch with the gun!

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