Finding the perfect mate is like finding the perfect outfit for a soiree – It takes dedication, lots of effort, friends to help you and in most cases it’s hidden in a fabulous vintage store in a unique ‘district’. Finding the perfect mate is also like looking for a car – you have to search through the thousands of ‘’classified’’, have good friends to help you look, you need to test drive it one or two times and see exactly how it operates on the ‘road’. Finding a perfect mate is also like finding the perfect winter sweater to pair with your pant – you have to feel snuggled and warm in it, it should be fitted enough, but not too suffocating, and it has to allow you to show your sense of style of individuality while debuting how fabulous you look together. Well, sometimes finding the perfect mate can be so exhausting. All these ‘’samplings’’, ‘’trials’’, ‘’test-drives’’, ‘’out-fit try-ons’’ and ‘’sweater-runs’’ can be taxing on one’s body and you just need to go through ‘’MEN-O-PAUSE’’.


According to the Homo-Dick-tionary of Imported Words, ‘’MEN-O-PAUSE is a state of single-ness where one takes a break from the ‘’scene’’, steps back from the mayhem of dating life and do an introspection to see what exactly one wants and the best way to get it.’’ Oh, and by the way, in a revised version of that term, it stated that this also includes no hook-ups, no blow-jobs, no having ‘drinks’ with an ex-bf, no internet dating, no kissing, but internet pornography is fully acceptable for its ‘medicinal’  purposes. However, according to the Lesbo-Vagi-nary of Imported Words, ‘’(wo)MEN-O-PAUSE is a state where a femme (or stud, in rare cases) takes a break from her girl-hunting days.’’ No slumber parties allowed.


The concept of the ‘’perfect mate’’ in itself is the stressor (wait, ‘stressor’… I am watching too much Criminal Minds… that sexy Shamar Moore have me so weak!). ‘Perfect’ denotes no flaw, no adjustment needed, ideal for ONLY me, my friends will adore him, my family will worship him, he won’t leave me never, we’ll last forever and he’ll rescue me from single-ness. But is there such a thing as a ‘perfect’ mate? Are we fooling ourselves or are we just misinformed about this new species of men? In search of love, are we asking for too much and being unreasonable or is it a reasonable request? The fact that so many of us have slapped on the F.B.I badge in search of the ‘perfect mate’ makes me wonder if we really know what we want. Do we need to just shut the hell up, leave the dating scene and allow MEN-O-PAUSE to reset our search engine? In life and love, why do we believe that everything has to be perfect? Perfect is boring [Daney-ann Thomas, 2011].


The notion of the ‘perfect mate’ mirrors that of Santa Claus – good for kids, stories books, novels, movies and the economy, but definitely bad for reality, adults and our hearts. And so, like kids and Santa, Christmas morning comes and gifts are being opened. Some kids are happy with what they received and some are not. The kids who aren’t happy are those who claim to have not gotten exactly what they have hoped/prayed/wished-upon-a-star for. But, is it that what they actually received are bad gifts? Is it that the gift are such a misfit that you need to return them to the store? Or, is it that you are so eager to try-out the gift, test what it can do, and continue to compare it to what others have received. Step back and have a scenic view of everything!


The long and short of it all is that whether you are in a committed relationship or dating, there comes a time when you need through ‘’MEN-O-PAUSE’’.  Sometimes, the best view one can get is from a far off. Being up close, you are often blinded by your blurry fixation; or just so dependent that even if the truth is staring you in the face, you fail to believe it.






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