Dick-notized….

Like seriously! OK! I know you don’t get it, because neither do I! You were always the friends who hung out and hunting down the great sales at Bloomingdales, Collectibles or Aeon/Jusco while shopping together; drank cocktails together and bash on guys; talked each other down off the ledge when you were at your lowest points; tried to figure out where the hell the good guys were; went on double dates together; were there for each other after every bad date and creepy guy encounter; comforted each other when needed, and then one day you realized that you were standing outside Lord and Taylor’s waiting on the doors to open for a massive 50% off sale and your BFF wasn’t there to stand guard with you. Your dear friend who has been your rock since forever has a new boyfriend. And naturally, you are happy for them. After all, you have spent many moons wishing for this moment. But then something doesn’t smell right [and it’s not the guy standing behind you at the Singles Date-athan], your BFF has started to act all superior on you! And then you thought to yourself, ‘’ Is it me?’’, ‘’ Am I just being a mean jealous bitch?’, or maybe….just maybe someone got dick-notized.

According the Oxford Dick-tionary of Rainbow Terminologies, Dick-notization is a state where someone who has not gotten any good dick in a long while and then finally finds a guy, and now thinks that it’s the world. He/she starts acting superior and has no control over their own thoughts and behavior. In this state, everything is ‘US’’ and ‘’WE’’ and ‘’JOHN and I’’. A person who is dick-notized starts to pity their friends [who once were their rock]; make comments like ‘’Why is Dwayne still single? OMG’’; try to set you up on some dead-beat guys who previous you two wouldn’t have given a first look more so a second. Dick-notization results in two things:- (1) – YOU feeling bitter, hurt and confused; (2) YOUR FRIEND being jaded, out of control  and over-sexed!

 

But all this started out slowly. There were signs, but you didn’t see them! It started one day when your friend met a guy and decided to go on a date. But, as usual, you thought this was just one of those ‘’dates’’ that will end badly and your friend will rush back to your apartment to cry his/her eyes out in despair and you would have no other choice but to devour a gallon of Hagen Dazs ice-cream, the vodka and the whip cream [If you feel a little S&M-ish… just kiddin] and you would talk for hours… But this date was different. Your friend didn’t rush back to your apartment, but instead called you the next day and sounded giddy, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as never before. But you just thought nothing of it. Weeks later, your friend is still seeing this guy [that you haven’t met yet]. Your Friday and Saturday nights rituals have been cancelled or rescheduled and those were the nights she/he is ‘busy with John’. But you still thought nothing. Then at a lovely Sunday brunch [which usually, you two would have gone and hit the jumbo shrimps at the buffet hard] your friend turns up with ‘’John’’. He/she introduces you to ‘’John’’. As with any friend’s boyfriend, they want to make a good impression because they know that your ‘’blessing’’ on their relationship is important for its survival. So ‘’John’’ tried to be as nice as possible. But one thing is sure, with years of experience trying to find ‘’Mr. Right’’, you would have developed impeccable skills of spotting ass-holes and dicks. So, after 5 rounds at the buffet and 5 light cocktail [not too much vodka…..it’s Sunday…LOL] you soon realized that ‘’John’’ is a ‘’Dick’’! Your friend has been so dick-notized that now he/she can’t see how bad ‘’John’’ is for them.

 

A Dick-notized friend is hard to un-dick-notized! Firstly, he/she is so jaded by all the sex and ‘fun’ they are having that they don’t see how much they have been short-changed. He/she is probably thinking that you are a bitch and jealous, of course and anything that comes out of your mouth if full of guile and bitterness. Secondly, He/she spends so much time with the ‘’John’’ that he/she starts to sound like the ass-hole you want him/her to leave. So, when all is said and done, can you un-dick-notize a friend back to reality? Can you be the rock that you were before and reach down to your friend and show them how jaded they are? Can you rescue your friend from the hands of the ass-hole who he/she fell for? Or, has too much damaged been done that he/she is not able to be un-dick-notized?

 

As a friend, there is so much you can do (and no more) to undo a dick-notized friend. If you try to ‘’open their eyes’’ he/she might run for the hills and never come down and then you would have lost a friend. So, what to do? You can stand by your friend and show him/her love, because you know that one day his/her eyes are going to open and when those eyes are wide open shut and he/she finally sees the ass-hole for what he is, your friend is going need you to help him/her pick up the pieces. After all, that’s what friends are far. We stick with each other even when one falls off the horse and gets jaded by some dick. Dick: .That evil thing that causes a love-hate pull between you and it; it knows how to hit the ‘’spot’’ and sometimes it hits it so well it results in a side effect called Dick-notization. [Oxford Dic-tionary of Rainbow Terminologies, 2011].

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. germaicangirl
    Jul 08, 2011 @ 15:39:30

    hahahahahaha Paps, this is not to read during normal work hours, I will have to save this for my Lunch Break, I feel a lot of Vulgar laughter and Arkward Outburts come with this post, and I am NOT about to loose my Job, not after how I Eff’d up the company Car yesterday. The Boss will not be having it LMAO

    Reply

  2. fromtops2bottoms
    Jul 08, 2011 @ 16:46:35

    ha ha ha ha.. Dont get fired because of our carelessness!!! But I know that you of all persons know that I am not lying!! No man! Dick-notization is a bitch!!! lolol

    Reply

  3. Angelique
    Jul 15, 2011 @ 02:40:30

    Dicknotized…man I am gonna have to reread this…I am lost for words. So jus one question was that in pussy?

    Reply

  4. fromtops2bottoms
    Jul 15, 2011 @ 08:54:11

    Ha ha ha…..Well, I am guess that if it can happen for gays.. it must be WORST for lesbians…. Just imagine a Femme getting hooked on a stud’s sTRAP-ON!! lololol… Oh lordddddddddd.. HELP Me!!

    Angelique, you need to TESTIFY now!!!

    Reply

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