Karma…

Karma! Is she always a bitch? One would think that karma is always luring in the shadows just waiting for you to make a mistake or do something ‘’bad’’; and when you have done it, karma waits for the most ‘’appropriate’’ time to ‘get you back’ for what you did days/weeks/months/years ago. But is it that karma is always ‘’getting’’ us or does she do good deeds, too? While I always ascribe thoughts about karma to the Fortune Cookie School of Psychology, I often wondered, does a string of bad dates, bad relationships, bad friendships, bad sex, bad guys really equal one good one? And will treating someone badly in one relationship ensure that you will be treated badly in the next relationship? Does everything that goes around really come back around? And if so, will it come to bite you in the ass? — Is there such a thing as relationship karma?

Our Indian friends believe that karma is the concept of “action” or “deed”, understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect. According to the Hindu scholars, Karma is not punishment or retribution but simply an extended expression or consequence of natural acts. So, Karma means “deed” or “act” and more broadly names the universal principle of cause and effect [there goes my luck…LOL], action and reaction, that governs all life. The effects experienced are also able to be mitigated by actions [I wonder what could these ‘’actions’’ be….hmmmm mmm] and are not necessarily fated. That is to say, a particular action now [cheating on your boyfriend] is not binding to some particular, pre-determined future experience [being cheated on my your man] or reaction [he leaves you for someone else]; it is not a simple, one-to-one correspondence of reward or punishment. Karma is not fate, for humans act with free will creating their own destiny. According to the Vedas, if one sows goodness, one will reap goodness; if one sows evil, one will reap evil. Karma is the totality of our actions and their associated reactions in this and previous lives, all of which determines our future. The conquest of karma lies in intelligent action and dispassionate response.

 

So, with all this mobo-jumbo floating around in my head, I start to think of allllllllllllllllllll {it’s not that many…} my past relationships and how Karma has impacted them. Now, thanks to the Hindus I am getting some well sought after answers. Damn!

Then, it is safe to assume that all the ass-holes I have dated and they have treated me badly, that was ALL my fault. Wasn’t it? Well, according to the Hindu guys, they were. If relationship Karma does exist, it would mean all my past failed relationships were in fact caused by some evil deed that I have done before and now Miss Karma is coming back to bite me at the most inappropriate time. So, the saying that Karma is such a bitch is so right!! And the Hindus have the ghoul to say that Karma is not punishment but a consequence of our natural acts. What could I have done to have made these guys treated me so badly? What could I have done to have been cheated on with my close friend? What could I have done to have been disrespected? Well, it must be something awful like wore white after Labor Day; autumn colors in spring; wore a two seasons old loafer to a party or had a cocktail before twelve noon. I just don’t get it!

But I think the Hindus realized that something was wrong with this theory, because they claim that Karma is not fated and one can do ‘’things’’ to mitigate the ‘’consequences’’ of Karma. I sit here and I wonder, what are they ‘’things’’ I needed to have done to mitigate the tons of times Karma took a big bite out of my ass? Should I have been more ‘’understanding’’? Should I have laid down even flatter while I allow him to walk all over me [in cheap shoes]? Or, maybe when he told me he was married and he introduced me as his ‘’English Teacher’’ I should have said, ‘’No, you are a liar. Speak the truth. We are fucking!’’ Who knows what I should have done. But, now I know that I need to be one step ahead of Miss Karma. She bites too hard!

So, if Miss Karma ‘’punishes’ us for our bad deed, does it also ‘’rewards’’ us for our good deed? If that were the case, why are we constantly looking for a good partner when we have been faithful, honest and true to the relationship, but in return got nothing worthy of? The Vedas (a body of text originated in India) promised us that if we sow good seeds, we will reap good seeds. Well, I don’t know about you, but I have been sowing some good seeds, yet getting nothing but evil in return. Is Miss Karma in a comma? Well, if so, it’s best for her to wake the hell up before someone comes looking for her!!

Am I the only one who is pissed at Karma? Or, are you afraid to get angry with her because she might just send some ‘’Ju-ju’’ your way? Well, I am a bad ass bitch and I am not afraid [ I feel secure knowing that my Mom is constantly praying for me…lol]. I need to look Karma in the eyes and ask her:-

  •   ‘’Where the hell were you when I was being faithful, loving, honest and supportive and his ass was making a fool of himself and then Karma so had it that after I left him, he could find another innocent victim to torment? Shouldn’t he have ended up with some toad that doesn’t turn into a Prince, but instead turn into a bitchier dragon?’’

  •   ‘’What happens to the countless number of people who believed in Karma for your good ‘work’ and wished that you could operate speedily, effectively and without prejudice, but instead realized that you are afraid of some people and only choose to be a bitch when it’s convenient to you?’’

  •   ‘’Where do you turn when you need to reconcile your punishment/reward balances in order to predict your future?’’

Karma! That lady [don’t ask me why, but I think she is a lesbian] who thinks she knows what she is doing and keeps on cutting the wrong people all the slacks, but finds time to work me over, EVERYTIME! For the Armani Exchange sweater you were wearing when you caught him cheating…. $150. For the Kenneth Cole loafer… $300. For the dinner you prepared… $90. For the look on his face because you know that Karma might just be nice to you and will get him, price-less! For everything else, there is your crazy mother waiting on the porch with the gun!

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In the shadows… [Inspired by Angelique’ Kazuke Morgan-Walker]

So, you wake up one day and you find yourself staring at a stranger in the mirror. And in addition to your eye-brows that need to be re-arched, a facial that is over-due and  a nose job you have been contemplating, you also find yourself thinking a certain way, you are embedded with certain thoughts, believes, values, attitudes; you have a specific ideology and view point; you have dreams and aspirations; ‘morals’ and ‘standards’, and then you start to question yourself:- ‘’Who is this person in the mirror?’’, ‘’Am I ‘me’ or someone else?’’, ‘’Do I really believe all these things, for real?’’, ‘’Am I a replica of my parents or am I my own person?’’, ‘’Who am I living for?’’. And then it dawned on me, am I living in the shadows of someone else, created a shadow for myself or am I my own being?

 

These are questions many people live with throughout their lives. And if these questions are left unanswered, a person would have robbed him/her-self ‘a life’. As we get older and life throws us some experiences, bones, challenges and heart-breaks, pleasure and pain, we start to search ourselves and question our ‘make up’. Have you created a person in your head that you would love to be and that is the person you have projected on your friends, or are you really you? Are you a sweet, loving lesbian who needs to take revenge on men because you blame yourself for losing the one guy who you really love? Are you really so cold and withdrawn from everyone because your father left your family when you were 6 years old or, are you a fabulous guy who just needs to talk it out and forgive him?

 

In many cases, we find ourselves creating a persona in our heads of what we should be, what society expects of us, what ‘’gay’’ is, or what would please our parents and then we try to live our lives to meet this expectation [and rarely making it]. What would it take for us to wake up and smell the vodka on our breaths? What would it take for us to finally realize that maybe, just maybe we have been kiddin ourselves in believing that we are who we are and we have been walking in someone else’s shadow all this time? What would it take?

 

Well, for some people, it takes tons and tons of disappointments to finally show them that what they have been working all their lives for isn’t really what they want to do, but what their parents wanted to do and couldn’t do, and so they have to fulfill their parents’ dreams. For others, it’s a failed marriage or relationship to jolt them back to consciousness and point them to what they really want, a gay partner of course. For some, it’s a close friend who has been through the same eye-opening experiences and has come to their rescue before it’s too late.  And there are the few of us who are strong and resilient enough to have identified our true self within ‘’our self’’ and have decided to be that individual instead of the one created by society; religion, church and indoctrination; influence of friends; family pressure and just life.

 

So, how do you know if you are living in the shadow of someone else? Well…

 

A)       Are your hopes and dreams ‘’YOURS’’ or are they those created by your parents, society, religious beliefs, or the education system?

B)       When you are driving and you glimpse in your mirror, who do you see? Do you see ‘’YOU’’ the guy who is struggling with his sexuality and confidence and secretly dying to find a guy on www.gayromeo.com or do you see a guy from Male Vogue who has it ‘’all’’?

C)       When you introduce yourself to someone do you show them your true side or do you show them your pseudo-persona in fear that the person won’t like you for you?

 

Deep down everybody wants to be themselves. It’s just something human beings want! We like individuality. But sometimes, on life’s crazy road we tend to lose ourselves and then we create pseudo-selves. But then, there comes a point where you start to think that, ‘’If I have created shadows for myself, then who am I meant to be and what are the reasons I’ve created these shadows in the first place and how do I remove them and start living ‘freely’?…start being ME!’’

 

<<This article was inspired and co-written by Angelique’ Kazuke Morgan-Walker.   Thank you girl! I enjoyed the brain-storming session.>>

 

 

Dick-notized….

Like seriously! OK! I know you don’t get it, because neither do I! You were always the friends who hung out and hunting down the great sales at Bloomingdales, Collectibles or Aeon/Jusco while shopping together; drank cocktails together and bash on guys; talked each other down off the ledge when you were at your lowest points; tried to figure out where the hell the good guys were; went on double dates together; were there for each other after every bad date and creepy guy encounter; comforted each other when needed, and then one day you realized that you were standing outside Lord and Taylor’s waiting on the doors to open for a massive 50% off sale and your BFF wasn’t there to stand guard with you. Your dear friend who has been your rock since forever has a new boyfriend. And naturally, you are happy for them. After all, you have spent many moons wishing for this moment. But then something doesn’t smell right [and it’s not the guy standing behind you at the Singles Date-athan], your BFF has started to act all superior on you! And then you thought to yourself, ‘’ Is it me?’’, ‘’ Am I just being a mean jealous bitch?’, or maybe….just maybe someone got dick-notized.

According the Oxford Dick-tionary of Rainbow Terminologies, Dick-notization is a state where someone who has not gotten any good dick in a long while and then finally finds a guy, and now thinks that it’s the world. He/she starts acting superior and has no control over their own thoughts and behavior. In this state, everything is ‘US’’ and ‘’WE’’ and ‘’JOHN and I’’. A person who is dick-notized starts to pity their friends [who once were their rock]; make comments like ‘’Why is Dwayne still single? OMG’’; try to set you up on some dead-beat guys who previous you two wouldn’t have given a first look more so a second. Dick-notization results in two things:- (1) – YOU feeling bitter, hurt and confused; (2) YOUR FRIEND being jaded, out of control  and over-sexed!

 

But all this started out slowly. There were signs, but you didn’t see them! It started one day when your friend met a guy and decided to go on a date. But, as usual, you thought this was just one of those ‘’dates’’ that will end badly and your friend will rush back to your apartment to cry his/her eyes out in despair and you would have no other choice but to devour a gallon of Hagen Dazs ice-cream, the vodka and the whip cream [If you feel a little S&M-ish… just kiddin] and you would talk for hours… But this date was different. Your friend didn’t rush back to your apartment, but instead called you the next day and sounded giddy, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as never before. But you just thought nothing of it. Weeks later, your friend is still seeing this guy [that you haven’t met yet]. Your Friday and Saturday nights rituals have been cancelled or rescheduled and those were the nights she/he is ‘busy with John’. But you still thought nothing. Then at a lovely Sunday brunch [which usually, you two would have gone and hit the jumbo shrimps at the buffet hard] your friend turns up with ‘’John’’. He/she introduces you to ‘’John’’. As with any friend’s boyfriend, they want to make a good impression because they know that your ‘’blessing’’ on their relationship is important for its survival. So ‘’John’’ tried to be as nice as possible. But one thing is sure, with years of experience trying to find ‘’Mr. Right’’, you would have developed impeccable skills of spotting ass-holes and dicks. So, after 5 rounds at the buffet and 5 light cocktail [not too much vodka…..it’s Sunday…LOL] you soon realized that ‘’John’’ is a ‘’Dick’’! Your friend has been so dick-notized that now he/she can’t see how bad ‘’John’’ is for them.

 

A Dick-notized friend is hard to un-dick-notized! Firstly, he/she is so jaded by all the sex and ‘fun’ they are having that they don’t see how much they have been short-changed. He/she is probably thinking that you are a bitch and jealous, of course and anything that comes out of your mouth if full of guile and bitterness. Secondly, He/she spends so much time with the ‘’John’’ that he/she starts to sound like the ass-hole you want him/her to leave. So, when all is said and done, can you un-dick-notize a friend back to reality? Can you be the rock that you were before and reach down to your friend and show them how jaded they are? Can you rescue your friend from the hands of the ass-hole who he/she fell for? Or, has too much damaged been done that he/she is not able to be un-dick-notized?

 

As a friend, there is so much you can do (and no more) to undo a dick-notized friend. If you try to ‘’open their eyes’’ he/she might run for the hills and never come down and then you would have lost a friend. So, what to do? You can stand by your friend and show him/her love, because you know that one day his/her eyes are going to open and when those eyes are wide open shut and he/she finally sees the ass-hole for what he is, your friend is going need you to help him/her pick up the pieces. After all, that’s what friends are far. We stick with each other even when one falls off the horse and gets jaded by some dick. Dick: .That evil thing that causes a love-hate pull between you and it; it knows how to hit the ‘’spot’’ and sometimes it hits it so well it results in a side effect called Dick-notization. [Oxford Dic-tionary of Rainbow Terminologies, 2011].