Finding love or having ‘sex’…..

In a ‘’normal’’ country, one can either choose to search whole-heartedly for love (and leave sex for later) or decide to show ‘true love’ his/her middle fingers and just go straight for the good old sex. Note, in a ‘’normal’’ country. When I say ‘’normal’’, persons who live in Japan know what I mean. I am not saying that Japan is abnormal. I would never dear say that, my mother raised me better [*big grin*looking around with a guilty smile]. But let’s just say that Japan is ‘’special’’…. very ‘’SPECIAL’’. Where else in the world finding a flying pig is easier than finding love; and exporting your sex life [only able to have any good sex while on vacation in another country] is the order of the day? OK! Now, you get it!

 

On some level, I believe that everybody wants to find love [where ever it’s hiding its ugly ass]. One may, from time to time, indulge in a little ‘’good sex’’ campaign but deep down the ultimate goal is to find ‘The One’. Well, that was my thought when I first came on the Banana Boat from Jamaica to this planet, Japan. I was eager, bushy tailed and bright-eyed. I was thirsty for some Asian meat and started looking for a nice ‘pork chop’ to devour. So, I did what any respectful up-standing citizen of the LGBTIQA community would do. I hit the internet to see what’s out there; I scouted out my community and work place and the small expat’ groupings I knew of. So, I hexed out the expat’ group very soon afterwards, not that there weren’t any ‘’meat’’, but none of which I was THEN looking for. I was fresh off the boat and wanted ASIAN MEAT! American and Canadian ‘’cuisines’’: been there, done that!  So, naturally the next stop on the train would be to see what ‘cuisine’ my co-workers were serving up, IF ANY! Well, I boarded the train and exited at ‘co-worker central’. Big disappointment! That was a letdown! Talk about closet-cases and in denial. It was a case of fantasy, intrigue and the novelty at first followed by a reality shock and mixed signals, on their part. These Japanese civil service men were a special breed only bred in Asia. They were only gay on certain days of the week and certain time of the month. It was like they were on a ‘cycle’ [pun intended]. Seen that I get dizzy easily, I figured these guys’ cycles and I weren’t going to cut it at all and I soon served them their ‘walking papers’.

Then when all failed, I thought to myself, there is no way in hell the internet is going to fail.[Forgive me, I was still thinking as a Earthling] So, being a Jamaican in Japan, you will soon realize that a ‘celebrity’ status comes with it and under the rainbow it’s even crazier. I don’t know what it is… maybe it’s the myth of ‘black men’, or some loud mouth leaked a story about Jamaicans or they saw Asafa Powell’s picture [Oh lord… TESTIFY!!!!! Jeezz], but the Japanese go wild for the islanders. So, finding a date wasn’t the difficult part. The difficult part is maintaining some sort of friendship after 7 days.  It was so predictable that I developed a ‘7-day Theory’ that I passed on to my friends for testing. So said, so done!  These Japanese boys were so predictable that it would be fun just waiting for day 7 for them to disappear. So this is how it works: as soon as you would meet and they put you through the INTERVIEW PROCESS; have another date; maybe some sex (lolol)… and that’s it! Bamb! They vanish into thin air, without a trace. At first I thought it was just me, but then I spoke with some other Jamaicans here [OK!! Now I have just out-ed all the Jamaicans here… LOLOLOLOL] and I realized we were all being SERVED, Honey B.

 

So, after trying the dating scene, there is so much one can take and no more [and this rule goes for other things too…LOLOL]. So, like so many who have trodded this rocked road in their Gucci loafers, I had given up on finding love and soon start looking for ‘fun’ [bigger mistake]. Needless to say, my search grew weary; my patience faded and my frustration rose. Being Jamaican, one is accustomed to ‘eating’ big chunks of meat that when served right makes any mouth salivate. Well, I am no different. I am 100% Jamaican, and I love dinning at a well spread table with delicious pork chops, beef steaks and mouth watering sausages. Well, coming to Japan I didn’t expect to find Jamaican ‘’cuisines’’ (of course not), but I expected that the ‘’meats’’ on the market would be of a good quality and I would be able to ‘work wid it’ (as we would say in Jamaica). Well well well… I am no Jesus, so I don’t do miracles and I can’t turn water in wine; 5 loaves & 2 fishes into 12; and Japanese wieners into ‘Frankfurters’. The Japanese ‘’cuisine’’ came short [pun intended] of what I expected. I am not a bitch [do not comment on this… LOLOL], I am not hard to please. But there is a difference between incompetence and inability. Needless to say that the Japanese ‘cuisines’ that I have come across [I am not going to count…..] can’t even ‘stop a gap’ [as we would say in Jamaica]. And remember, I am not being a bitch.

 

Keeping in mind that I am still not a bitch, there is an ongoing debate about ‘’the size of a sausage vs. technique used (to jerk…. I meant BBQ the sausage)’’. Back in Jamaica, when we are planning a fabulous ‘’BBQ’’, if the person who is in charge of the sausage didn’t bring a big sausage to the ‘’BBQ’’, rest assured that the technique used to ‘’BBQ‘’ the sausage is of international standard and very much ‘’saaaaattt out’’( we would say in Jamaica). So, with that background, silly me ventured out in Japan with all this in my head and again, my ‘Rights To Good Techniques’ were denied without prejudice!!

It was like I entered the planet of small sausages and guys who can’t ‘’BBQ’’. [*frustrated look*]

 

OK! So, being a relationship-frustrated, sexually-deprived foreigner in Japan what does one do? What are the options? You have two roads before you: pick your choice. On one road, you can either settle for mediocre burgers on the grill and temporary relationships [where you are sure that your case number will turn up on ‘’WITHOUT A TRACE’’].

On the other hand, you could choose to export your sex-life! [It’s easier than it sounds and lots of fun…..LOL…. TESTIFY!!!!] Where am I going for summer, again? *wink wink*

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13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. kattie31
    Jun 30, 2011 @ 10:50:52

    I ‘loike’ it!!!

    3*2

    Love is ration in even ‘normal’ places. Thought ‘Asian meat’ would be interestingly different!!! We say noooo to weiners………..guess we have to explore other lands to find the ‘cow’s feet’!!! Testification is as good as cow foot it purges from the inside out!!!
    Always a pleasure interacting with u………..whether verbally or orally…..hmmm

    +3

    Reply

    • fromtops2bottoms
      Jun 30, 2011 @ 12:54:28

      Ha ha ha ha… I love the ”COW FOOT” analogy! OMG!! Well, A COW FOOT might be too much… But good lord man.. Even a pig leg… MI cant manage the ants leg dem!! No sah!!!

      Well, let’s hope that a new WORLD ORDER is upon us… LOLOL…

      PS: I like the ”ORALLY” part too… LOLOLOL

      Reply

  2. germaicangirl
    Jul 04, 2011 @ 19:59:56

    Well well well… I am no Jesus, so I don’t do miracles and I can’t turn water in wine; 5 loaves & 2 fishes into 12; and Japanese wieners into ‘Frankfurters’. soooo fukking wrong for this mess ere,

    Mister that would have never happened to MMEEEE!!! bcz I always hear that Asians got a beating with SHORT end of the stick. So I steer clear LOL. And what you mean in a Normal world, Chile in my World it is normal to just focus on the Sex and if Love happens to come then so be it LOL TESTIFY!!!!!

    HAHAHAHA at the COW FOOT Analogy LMAO. You guys are on something else… I want some too. Also you need to talk about the Cooks who have all the right tools but the food still end up tasting like crap, I will take a perfectly cooked weiner over that any day.

    Reply

    • fromtops2bottoms
      Jul 04, 2011 @ 20:15:58

      ha ha ha ha ha,… Oh lord!! You nuh easy inuh! Mi nuh know why u nuh mek we CO-Write a real BOOK! With both of our experience.. it was be a best seller… A cow foot Miss KAY she say!! She love her COW FOOT bad!! Mi want 2 yah now… lolololololol…..

      But you are so right… Some Cooks have all the ”tools” and still cant cook a good pot! cho…. Ahh boy!! The condition bad!!

      Reply

  3. germaicangirl
    Jul 04, 2011 @ 20:28:59

    Real talk though, have you ever had sex and when its over you could just shoot yourself? bcz it was that terrible, and you feel worst because your sixth sense was telling NOT to go there, the person has “DISAPPOINTMENT” in bold letter, written in 100 different languages, written all over them, but NOOOOO you just had to go there and when its done you just want to walk out in traffic. I am getting irritable just typing this!! smh. It was soo traumatic, I cant even remember dudes name.

    Reply

    • fromtops2bottoms
      Jul 04, 2011 @ 20:56:06

      Ha ha ha ha ha….. TESTIFY sister dear! I know exactly what you mean!!! Lawd, i have had to my fair share!! No sah!!! And the worst part is that the men have a look on their faces as if they did a good job!!! ha ha ha ha ha…
      Camille, you ago kill me.. Talk the tings demmm yahh mommy!!!

      Reply

  4. Angelique
    Jul 15, 2011 @ 01:59:33

    Oh you guys look like you still haven’t learnt the technique of how to play deal….when u know u made the wrong choice and went there, and there is no way of turning back you just take yourself from out your body and playin fuckin dead, let the fucker enjoy himself and then u lock the key on that memory and throw away the raas key, it jus never happened. And u know what funny growing up, for me who only had sex with two guys all my life, it wasn’t until the second one did I realise the first jus wasn’t doing a ras…felt like going back a using a ‘hammer’ (Bounty Killer style) and give him a beating for keeping me in the dark…a then when u finally get a girl to go low on you and u orgasm three times before she decides to finish or you got to pry her off you, them you looking for a crane to help you dig those two guys grave cause they deserve to be dead…

    “Cow Foot”….oh my I see macka diamond song has go international, dwl!!! Jesus help me what would I be doing with a cow foot, could I jus settle for a nice healthy serving of ‘pigs tail’, well that’s if I was still eating that kind of meat, now that I am a “fishitarian”, I will take any serving of fish in large ‘phat’ portions especially if its Salmon cause its so pink, but I will settle for a snapper or a flying fish, not so much the trout can’t stand the mouth, but if thts all thts left, well why not, should be much better than a Japanese weiner….dwl!

    Reply

  5. Angelique
    Jul 15, 2011 @ 02:07:06

    Oh good heavens, so I was suppose to comment on the article…got so caught with the other comments I forgot, so here goes…

    Finding love…I swear I am never gonna find that anymore. Ten years ago I thought I did but that bastard fucked it up seven yrs down the road, so now I am jus looking a nice hot chick who aint full a shit, honest, loves ma company, love having fun and can give a good oral and know how to use her fingers, if at the end if the day u wanna call that love then I guess without looking I have hit the unacclaimed jackpot but until then I am still looking for a good “friendship” followed by some good sex…and even that I haven’t found yet…shown by ma involuntary celibacy for the last five months, so if its love I am gonna be searching I would have gone off ma rackers. Let’s jus say I stopped looking, it would have to find me, clunk me in the head, tie strap me and say bitch I am right here…until then, is there anyone out there who wanna be ma “friend”**wink wink**?

    Reply

  6. fromtops2bottoms
    Jul 15, 2011 @ 08:52:45

    Ha Ha.. You are a trip!!! You and your TESTIMONIES!!! OMG!!! I love it!!

    But, I told you that Japan is a different kettle of FISH… literally! :(((((

    I am still searching for BOTH of the above… LOVE and GOOD SEX!! Damn! 😦

    Reply

  7. sherkhan
    Oct 17, 2011 @ 21:41:03

    Hey Dude, quick question, can you tell, just by looking at a guy, if he is a top or bottom?

    Reply

    • fromtops2bottoms
      Oct 17, 2011 @ 21:55:10

      Hi SHERKHAN. Well, it depends on where the guy is from. For western guys, it is easier to tell a top from a bottom. And this is mostly based on how he is dressed, behavior, demeanor, verbal and non-verbal indicators. For guys in Asia, it more difficult to tell though.

      Reply

  8. ricky
    Oct 19, 2011 @ 19:41:07

    hi

    Reply

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